


Walking to Oblivion

by OMEGA1979



Series: The Signs that Yondu cares [14]
Category: Guardians of the Galaxy - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Child Abuse, Contraxia, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Molestation, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Physical Abuse, Porn with Feelings, Prostitution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-02 09:21:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10941558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OMEGA1979/pseuds/OMEGA1979
Summary: What has been building for a very long time, is finally building to it's climax.It's full of angst and Peter is depressed and desperate...but will Yondu even notice or is it too late?And two characters have a hook up...at least someone on the ship is happy!





	1. Chapter 1

 

**Walking to Oblivion**

**Chapter One**

Even though Peter Quill was now an official Ravager, nothing had changed for him. He was still banned from flying, still prohibited from doing anything fun, and everything he did in the Elector was good enough for everyone apart from one.

Captain Yondu Udonta.

Peter and Yondu didn't really speak anymore. In fact, Peter didn't talk to anyone. Time and time again, both Kraglin and Alezduren had tried to bring it up.

But everyone the mere mention of the boy was enough to turn Yondu's attitude. Both of them knew it wasn't meant to be like this, once upon a time they had an excellent relationship of mentor and mentee, then Peter had said one word, he didn't remember saying and that was it.

The thought of Yondu being anyone "dad" was so offensive, he had preferred to dismiss the boy from his life. Peter was to be treated no different than everyone else, casually forgetting that he was only fourteen, and desperate.

The two people thinking this the most, right at this time were desperate about something else entirely.

"More, for the love of God. More". Screamed Alezduren, who was begging Kraglin to continue. Kraglin just grinned, taking his own sweet time in the hybrids bright pink ass. The day earlier, Alezduren had gone into heat, one of the quirks on his hybrid heritage.

At this time Kree's begun settling down, looking for their loved ones to take the edge off. Alezduren had grown so desperate, feeling sweaty and delirious. Noticing several members of the crew sniffing the air at his enhanced pheromones and grinning,

He had gone looking for help and had found Kraglin. Over the years they had hooked up several times, with the Ravagers the mentality was "anything goes" and no one seeking a relationship. Alezduren didn't need love, he just needed a fucking good pounding, and with Kraglin it was like an exquisite torture.

"Yeah, you like that don't you?" Kraglin hissed in Alezduren's ear, Kraglin was all skinny bones and limbs but had been blessed with a fucking almighty cock, which was working its way into the hybrid.

"Yes, yes, please just fuck me harder". Cried the hybrid, as Kraglin reached down, and grabbed Alezduren's cock and begun to stimulate it. Hell, Alezduren may have been a literal son of a whore, but Kraglin knew a few things and a chance to try them out to the screaming hybrid was music to his ears.

Alezduren just screamed and tried to bite the pillow, as both men came, almost at the same time and collapsed on the bed. Kraglin somehow pulling Alezduren into a spoon position, with his cock still buried deep in his heat. He'll have to take it out eventually, but right now it wasn't going anywhere.

"Thank you" Alezduren practically cried, as he felt his heat diminishing, finally he was himself again, while Kraglin just chuckled and gave the hybrid a deep kiss.

Before leaning over to grab two cigarettes from the box on the table. It was strange following Peter's films that cigarettes were pretty much universal across the galaxy.

Most planets had a vice involving something herbal. In Xandarian, they were frowned upon, which made them perfect for Ravagers. Yondu had issues about anyone smoking in their quarters, so he also activated the humidifier which sucked all the smoke away, before lighting two cigarettes and passing one to Alezduren. For a moment, both men just savoured the silence and smoke and their thoroughly sated bodies.

In the end, still on the pillows of Kraglin quarters, Alezduren withdraw, and the two men lay side by side, just enjoying each other, talking about the usual bollocks.

Were they both hungry? Yes. Did they want to get up? Well, no.

Alezduren signed and inhaled deeper on his cigarette. "Kraglin, I'm really worried about Peter".

Next, to him, the second mate of the Ravagers just rolled his eyes. "And you know how the kill a fucking good mood". But then nodded. "I'm worried too, I know he's not eating, or even talking and Yondu just doesn't fucking care".

Kraglin inhaled his own cigarette, "I can't even do anything about it, Yondu's my captain, and I can't go against him". Then he thought for a moment, "Let's just keep an eye on him, see what happens next.

Keeping an eye on him wasn't going to do anything, and they seemed to notice that Peter was somehow becoming more withdrawn with dark circles under his eyes, and looked just like a ghost.

He was still working hard though, sometimes to the point of exhaustion and everyone was giving Yondu feedback on how hard he was working. But from Yondu, nothing, not a word or a suggestion that he was living up to the Ravager reputation. Not even planning raid's that netted everyone a small windfall managed it.

Peter only spoke when he was spoken too, and sometimes under the guise of working elsewhere, he just sent Yondu the information and planning he would need on the raids. Peter needed more than this. However, Kraglin and Alezduren were surprised when Yondu announced the boy would be part of the crew when they went to Contraxia

Contraxia, the gloried brothel planet, made for thieves, outlaws and Ravagers. In truth, none of them had been there for years, but Yondu was in the mood, and they were in the sector.

When they said to Peter, he was going planetside, Peter didn't even react, too withdrawn within himself to even care he was getting some fresh air.

Kraglin mentioned to Yondu, that Peter didn't understand the rules of Contraxia, or that he would be meeting other Ravager Clans.

Yondu, after all, existed independently of them, which was allowed as long as the rules were not broken. Though Yondu had broken them all years ago, no one knew about that, but that wasn't important to Yondu.

Peter was clueless about this, but then again so was Alezduren so on the way down to the planet Kraglin tried to explain it to him.

"So there are other Ravager factions?" Alezduren asked while they were on Kraglin's M-Ship. Yondu went ahead of everyone to sort stuff out, which was all he would say.

"Clan, we're called Clans. And there are loads of us, Yondu just operates independent…which is fine as long as he keeps to the Ravager code, and there are lots of them".

"Seriously, I thought the Code was "Steal from everyone". Stated Alezduren, too which Kraglin shook his head, "Now, that's just ours…besides what other Code do we need?"

Alezduren mused over this, while Peter, just sitting at a console his red coat hanging off the back of a chair spoke up. "You want something; you fight for it". Both Ravagers overheard but decided not to question it. One sentence was more than they had got from the newly minted Ravager in ages.

Descending into the final landing, Kraglin looked up to the teen, "Look, Peter, you're going into a dive of scum and villainy". Referring to Star Wars, a film he loved and would do anything to see again, even though it was impossible. "You have to keep your head, everything is illegal, and here is legal, prostitution, gambling and drinking. It's like a theme park for sin".

"So it's like Whore Land?" Peter supplied flatly, which did cause both Ravages to smile, that type of humour was for a moment Peter from way back. It was good to see him again.

Docking the M-Ship with ease, Alezduren stepped put first followed by Peter, who was called back, when Kraglin grabbed his coat.

"Put this on, kid. It's cold outside" to which Peter only nodded and pulled the coat on, it was still too big for him and made him look so small and pathetic, and everyone knew it.

Walking out of the M-Ship, the light of the snow was so bright even though the sky was dark, in the distance were the lights of the gambling dens and brothels, which seemed magical against the heavens.

It was like the North Pole, but here was no Santa Claus, and he didn't exist anyway.

Peter reached out his hand and let the snowflakes drop on his hand, though he didn't feel the slightest moment of cold. In the red coat, he was still a Ravager and had to act like he was.

Following Kraglin and Alezduren into a bar, the rest of the Ravagers were waiting including Yondu, who looked more relaxed than he did in a long time, just knocking back beer and just talking to other Ravagers.

He was in his element, but Peter looked anything but. Needing to get away from the rest of the crew, he stepped out of the bar, and into another. Just to get away from the feeling in his head.

It wasn't as crowded as the other one, and he walked over to the bar and almost ordered a beer, though he knew it could create a seizure, in the end, he asked the barmaid for dranteri juice, typically kids drunk it, so it was non-alcoholic.

The barmaid looked about thirty, plump and beautiful, and though her lavender eyes raised at the sight of the young boy, just did her job and served him the drink.

Peter knew this was the worst place for him to be, the loud noise, the flashing lights, and that red coat he felt like it was drowning him. All he wanted to do was hide.

But he was disturbed by Writusa coming into the bar and spotting him.

"Yo, Quill. We need one more for Qanasta, you know how to play?"

Peter did, Yondu had taught him years ago, though he hadn't played the game in two years. He still remembered how, and just nodded.

"Good, then get here."

Peter didn't feel like he could form the words to say "no", and leaving the bar joining Writusa at the table. All the other Ravagers looked at him since he had a hundred-unit chip in his pocket, he pulled it out and placed it down.

Every Ravager including Writusa thought this would be easy, but Peter was playing indifferently and had a hell of a straight face.

Two hours later, Writusa and two other the Ravagers, from a ship called were bankrupt, and Peter was sitting there with a unit chip pile high.

This tiny boy who was whipping the asses of the more experience Ravagers had got attention, and all eyes were on the teen, as he dropped another winning hand. Qanasta was very similar to poker, with almost a winning hand, since Peter was an expert on that, this game was almost too easy.

The bar went up in cheers and the Udonta Ravagers begun to congratulate the teen, who was counting his winnings. From one hundred he had won seven thousand, this was fantastic.

In the back of Peter's mind, he could see a small glimmer of who he was. He could escape, get out of there and feel happy again.

This was all dashed, when Yondu, hearing news of this, walked in, saw Peter and his units and just grinned.

"Good, Quill, you're not that useless yet. Why don't I take them off your hands for safe keeping?" In a second, he pocketed the units, leaving Peter to just sit there. Not even surprised by this, "After all there are thieves and criminals here".

The latter statement from Yondu caused a roar of laughter from all the Ravagers aside from Kraglin and Alezduren who just looked away, though Kraglin noticed the look of utter contempt Writusa gave Peter which didn't impress him. Then again, he had a disdain for the Darbien which he couldn't explain.

Peter with his units gone forever, Peter muttered that he was going to get some air, and stepped from the bar, not looking or caring where he was going.

And walked straight into an older Ravager

 

**Please review**


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, the second chapter. Trust me, the angst is being upped, and Yondu…let’s say he also needs some help. And thanks to everyone for the kudos , follows and reviews xx
> 
>  

**The Signs that Yondu Care. Part 14.**

**Walking to Oblivion**

**Chapter Two**

 

Peter stepped back, almost falling into the snow before a strong arm grabbed him, and he looked up into the face of an Arcturan male. He had short grey hair, which he had brushed back. He had an authoritative air, just like Yondu, and Peter felt a tremble of fear at the sight of him.

“Who are you boy?”. The man’s face Peter looked up at the man, he was wearing the long coat of the Ravagers, and his gold flame was like Yondu’s.

Peter had noticed that each generation was different, his was plain, while Peter’s had two stitched gold flames. He looked about Yondu’s age, but there was a glimmer in his eyes which showed friendliness.

The Ravager just frowned at the Peter, perhaps sizing him up and Peter began to feel very apprehensive at this man but noticed while he looked stern, he didn’t seem unkind.

“Who are you boy?” He asked Peter once more and could see only half of his mouth moved. Perhaps it was a birth defect, or he had been punched in the face too many times

Peter struggled to find his words, and just stared at the man, as a second Ravager came forward, and Peter just blinked. Up to this point, Peter had no idea that women could be Ravagers, and this woman was beautiful

If you could compare her to a Terran, she looked Chinese or Malaysian, and so beautiful, Peter could only stare while the woman just chucked.

“Stakar, I think you’re scaring him, and he doesn’t know who you are.”

The Ravager released his arm from Peter, and he took a step back, wanting to run but wanting to stay and talk with this beautiful woman, who’s smile lit up her face. Her body was so well toned under her long coat, she looked she could beat anyone single handed. Her eyes were so gentle, and she smiled at Peter the same way a mother would smile at her child.

She said almost playfully to Peter just to banish any hesitation. “Child, this the great Captain Stakar of the House of Ogord. You may know him as “Star Hawk”, now what might your name be?”

Star Hawk, like Star-Lord, Peter almost said before his mind dried up at their presence to the point he had forgotten his own name until he stammered out. “Peter Quill”.

 It wasn’t as if he could introduce himself as “Star-Lord”. He knew that was stupid…this guy clearly had earned the right to call himself whatever he wanted.

“Peter…that’s interesting. So where are you from?”

“Xander,” Peter said with no hesitation, Yondu had taught him to claim that at all times. Terran’s were rare, but no one cared about Xandarian’s.

“And who’s your Captain”, the man asked, as everyone turned around to the sounds of Yondu’s feet crunching on the snow.

“Quill, who you talking too…Ogord”, Yondu just grinned seeing the Captain, and the pair shook hands in friendship, talking for a moment at “how long's it been, and how are you?”, the typical pleasantries in life before turning back to Peter, who began to feel very unnerved at all this.

“See you met my crewman”. Yondu said, throwing his arm over Peter’s shoulder, not even registering how under the red coat and thick jumper, it was all skin and bone.

“Your crewman, he’s a little bit young to be in the red isn’t he?” since Peter looked younger than his age, in the coat, with the sleeves he was forcing to pull up, which caused Yondu to shake his head, clearly being a master bull shitter

“Picked the boy up, a few years ago, an orphan. Kids a natural Ravager. Just a bit on the slow side at times.”

Internally Peter felt pissed and a moment of acknowledgement. Yondu was right, he was slow and useless, and he knew that. No point denying it, just declare it to the world.

While the woman just cocked her head and looked interested in Peter’s expression. “Is he a good Captain, Peter”. She may have meant to sound jovial, but Peter could hear the edge in her voice at the question, which caused him to nod his head.

“He’s good, but he’s a bit of an asshole”, this statement caused all of them to laugh, the tension Peter was feeling was gone, everything was as it should be. Captain’s just laughing together since they were in the one place where they could relax. Before Ogord just stopped, “Wait a minute Quill, as in that Ravager who stopped Kruger?”

There was a silence, and Peter got a moment of Yondu looking stunned before he recovered “You heard about that?”, which caused Ogord to nod.

“Of course we heard about that. A young Ravager, risking his life, saving a girl and getting a murderer arrested…of course, we all heard about that”. The Ogord, paused, “But word of the wires was that the Ravager was later killed…and that was you?”

The question was to Peter, so he had to respond. “I did, I just got better”.

Perhaps it was the deadpan delivery, but both Ogord and Yondu cracked up laughing at this statement, while Peter willed himself to relax. He knew that stress could lead to seizures and he was desperately trying not to.

Ogord hadn’t picked up on it and was wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. “Oh, that’s good. He’ll go far as a Ravager”. A statement which didn’t exactly thrill Peter, while the woman just frowned, but Yondu had decided that all business was concluded.

Peter had the feeling that this was a test which he had somehow passed from the tension in Yondu’s body which he could feel.

“I’ll catch up with you later, just need to speak with the kid”. Yondu said, as he bid the pair farewell and he they walking in the opposite direction.

“I don’t know, that child looks very ill to me”, the beautiful woman too which Ogord replied. “You worry too much, Aleta. Some kids are just pale. Yondu wouldn’t abuse children. He knows the code.”

“No he doesn’t” Peter wanted to scream, but instead remained silent, as Yondu still with his arm around Peter guided him into the nearest bar, which also contained a brothel.

Internally Yondu was pissed, the one person the boy should never have met, and he had practically walked into him with open arms. Fuck, thank god the kid was silent, all he had to do was spill his life story, and Ogord would exile him for life.

He had to do something about it, but what…looking up at the location, he just grinned to himself. There was a way, after all.

Pete was just a sulky morose bastard, so sitting him down at the at the bar, Yondu had finally devised a way to break him out of it.

“You know Quill, I’ve been wondering, what type do you like? Boys, girls…somewhere in-between?” Peter not knowing where this was going, just shrugged. “Girls, I think” which caused Yondu to just grin.

“Oh, that’s perfect, what type. Your dream woman?”

Peter, now had a feeling where this was going and wasn’t really happy to talk about it but in his mind, only one image came up, “Blondes, with blue eyes”.  He replied as Yondu smirked to himself.

Yondu left the bar and run up the stairs, leaving the teen mystified for a moment, while Kraglin and Alezduren came over. “Are you ok, Peter do you want to go back to the M-Ship?” Alezduren, said urgently, to the teenager.

Peter was about to nod, he was tired and just wanted to go home, back to the Elector. When the Captain of the Ravagers came bounding down the stairs, smirking to everyone.

 “Then I choose well”, he said, declared happily, pointed to the upstairs rooms. “Second to the left, I got you a real pretty one”.

The brothel had that stupid relaxing music, but almost every Ravager grew silent, conversations stopped mid-sentence, and everyone just felt stunned, and a little bit uncomfortable.

Peter was fourteen, to Xandarian’s, that was still underage, it was fifteen for them and Kree’s, and they knew Terrans, well in America had to wait until seventeen.

For a moment, Peter seemed younger, than ever, and almost everyone including Horuz looked to Kraglin, to do something and do it quick.

Kraglin Obfonteri, still standing next to the teen had had enough of this shit, treating the boy like dirt, neglecting him. But this, this was wrong.

Peter wasn’t ready for sex, no matter his age, he wasn’t like most teenage boys who had an insatiable lust for sex.

He was frail, and everyone knew it, and he didn’t care who knew. Getting to his feet, he turned to Yondu and put his hand over the boy, almost to pull him back.

“Yondu, you can’t do this…he’s too young”. Kraglin was close to pleading which Yondu didn’t appreciate, Kraglin was First Mate for a reason. But no way in hell was he going to allow the Hraxian to contradict him in front of his crew.

“What bullshit…you want sex, don’t you, Peter?”.

Both eyes, turned to the teen, in Kraglin’s he could almost see him begging “Please no, just say you don’t want this” but Yondu, Yondu was looking at him, showing him attention.

Internally Peter was conflicted, he had been given the “talk” about it years ago. Yondu had sat him down when he was twelve and explained things to him. Peter knew about sex, but did he want it? He was aware that he was meant to want it, and Yondu wanted him to have it.

Peter found himself nodding, but internally felt so conflicted, which he couldn’t show. This is what Yondu wanted him to have, so he had to go through with it.

“I want to have sex, Yondu”. He whispered softly.

Peter never looked at Kraglin missing the look of hatred which filled in his eyes, but he stepped away from the pair, rubbing his hands over his face in frustration.

“Perfect, see I knew I was right”, Yondu declared, and gestured to the stairs “Now get your ass up there and become a man”. There was a tone in his voice announcing how pissed he was, and Peter knew he couldn’t refuse it now.

Peter didn’t feel like a man, he didn’t feel like anything, but with a small look to Kraglin, Peter went up the fourteen steps, with each footstep feeling heavy until he got to the wooden door.

He could smell the sweet scent of perfume, and incense emitting from it and knocked gently. At the bottom of the stairs Yondu was just staring at him, but grinning like he had made some accomplishment, which Peter didn’t return.

“Oh Quill, I told her it’s your first, so she’ll be real gentle with you”. Perhaps to ease the tension in the room. There was a smattering of laughter from somewhere, which seemed to ease off the feeling in Peter’s chest, as he knocked on the door and heard a female voice telling him “Come in”.

Taking a breath, Peter stepped through the door which closed behind him.

There was a moment of silence, while Kraglin turned to Yondu, a look of fury on his face.

“We need to talk right now.”

 

**To be continued**

**Please review xx**

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, I managed to get this out quickly. Hope you all like it. Xx

**The Signs that Yondu Cares: Walking to Oblivion**

**Chapter Three**

Yondu, not used to being questioned, walked with Kraglin from the bar, the snow falling on both of them until they had walked behind a building. An acceptable distance to talk in private yet close enough to get back if they needed too.

"Right so what the fuck is on your mind, Kraglin?" Yondu demanded, totally pissed at his First Mates insubordination.

Kraglin was pleased that they had some privacy, he didn't want an audience for this, hell he didn't want to do this at all, but he had to speak his mind.

"Yondu, get up there right now and stop all this". To this statement, Yondu just scoffed.

"Oh please, it's just sex. What's the big deal?" But Kraglin was now on a rant.

"Of course it's a fucking big deal. But why the hell did you just do that, Yondu? Why the hell did you just subject that boy to that? Peter's not ready for it, and you know it"

Yondu just turned to Kraglin, thoroughly pissed, from the moment he saw the boy with Staker until now. He was getting sick of that kid, after all, he had done for him Peter was still a morose motherfucker who just wouldn't break out of his slump. "What else was I fucking meant to do, Kraglin?"

"I don't know, just take him home, maybe. Hell, it was your bright idea to bring him here, anyway…why the hell would you do that anyway? He's a child." Kraglin stated, with no hesitation

"Yeah, well it's about time he became a fucking man. He's wearing the red coat, it's time he started acting like us". Yondu declared, just wanted a beer and to be away from his stupid situation.

Gods, all he wanted was some booze and to fuck some whores for the night. Instead, he had what felt like his entire crew questioning his decision, and now Yondu was starting to question himself.

"What was I meant to do, Ogord saw him, and I know Aleta is suspicious. What was I meant to do? Do you know what they will do to us if they find out about him?"

To that Kraglin Obfonteri, First Mate of the Yondu Ravagers just laughed. After all the years of knowing what they had done was Yondu finally growing a conscience about it?

"Yeah sure exile, but who cares about that". Kraglin just looked at the expression on Yondu's face. "Because you never did, you didn't care that you were screwing us over. That what you did wasn't going independent, it was a deliberate exile…and you did all that because you didn't want them to find out".

"What should I do then? Go to the head of the Clans and make a confession? The crew have had the best of it all our rules, our codes…and everyone is better off". Retorted Yondu since this was a conversation they had had years before, but this time Kraglin had some ammunition.

"Peter isn't better off, is he? Just look at him, He hasn't been the same since he came back, and why won't you see it?" Frustration was laced in every word Kraglin said, what else could he do to make sure his Captain realised how screwed up Peter was. He took a deep breath and tried again, to make his Captain see sense

"Yondu, you've just paid a whore to sleep with a child, under the laws of Contraxia, you've paid her to rape him".

"Oh who give a fuck, what's one year to him?" muttered Yondu, since he had considered that, but it was what the boy needed. Normally kids screwed around, why should Quill be any different?

"It's not one year, it's three years, he's not Xandarian, he's…".

Kraglin sadly didn't manage to dodge the fist coming at his face from his Captain and didn't even bother to hide the blue blood which seeped from his nose onto the ice. His nose had been broken a dozen times anyway.

Kraglin wiped his nose with the back of his hand, and just glared at his Captain, he was known for being passive, but he had had enough. "Peter is just going through with this because it's what you want, what you always want. At what point did you stop giving a fuck about him, Yondu?"

Those were armour piercing words, and Yondu just stared at his First Mate, for a moment, he wasn't the type to waste words, but what Kraglin had said just unsettled him.

"I car…Oh just go fuck yourself Kraglin" Yondu spun on his boots, just wanting to get away from all of them, but couldn't resist getting the last word.

"And don't contradict me in front to the crew, you son of a bitch."

Kraglin just watched his Captain walk away and looking down just smudged his foot on the ice which was now stained with his blood.

There was no point walking behind him, too many words had been said, and Yondu was pissed, but he would still calm down. Taking a breath, Kraglin walked back to the brothel where Peter's virginity was being stolen from him, anticipating that he would be picking up the pieces of that very soon.

 

 

Right at that moment, Peter Quill had an appointment with his very first prostitute.

Catlea was tired, it was the last client of her shift, and she was making an exception. As soon as the blue Captain told her he had a virgin, they were typically quick and easy to get rid of.

The occasional crier, and the ones who acted like they had made some achievement even though they were terrible lays. On hearing the sound of the door knocking she put on her best seductive smile.

She had also been informed that he suffered from some illness where he had fits, it didn't matter. She would still charge him no matter what.

Adjusting her black silk bodice, ripe to be ripped from her curvy body, she got herself ready. "Come in."

Turning around as Peter walked in, her jaw just dropped. She had seen it all, burns, terrible scars and every tragic past in existence.

She wasn't paid to judge, she was paid to make them feel better and in a place like Contraxia where there were dozens of brothels. Her trade existed on word of mouth.

Up to this point, she thought she was unshakable, but then she saw the boy, too pale with deep circles under his eyes. His cheeks were sunken, indicating that he didn't eat enough, and that coat, the red coat she was used too, but this was hanging off him.

He looked tired and depressed, and even though she had trained herself to be detached, she couldn't help the way her heart ached at this pathetic creature.

"My name is Peter. Yondu said I would like you". The boy whispered, and she could see how nervous he was from the trembling in his body.

"He said I'm to be your first, but how old are you?" She had never asked the question because she had never seen a child so young.

"I'm fourteen".

They were never written down, but laws existed on Contraxia, all Ravagers had laws, she knew the Code inside and out, this boy was too young to be a Ravager and too young to have sex.

If she went through with it, she would be up on a charge of assault and rape against a minor and everyone knew that. Her career would be forfeit in an instant, the Codes were screwed up, but they protected children, and everyone knew that.

"That's it, I'm going to talk to your captain right now."

Grabbing a red robe, she made her way to the door, to give that asshole a piece of her mind, when the boy grabbed her arm.

"Please don't, he wants me to do this. And he'll go mad if you don't".

Catlea paused, and curiosity overrode her, so she guided the teenager to the edge of the bed.

She had some questions which required answers.

"Ok, I won't leave, but tell me this. Does he hit you, abuse you?" Abusing someone who was unable to defend themselves was frowned amongst the Ravagers, but the teen shook his head.

"He doesn't beat me, her just doesn't care about me". He whispered and looked on the verge of tears at getting out this information. It was clear that he had trouble admitting it to anyone.

For Peter he hated himself for saying it, to tell this beautiful woman, that his Captain hated his guts. "He told me you would make me happy because I'm not".

She knew there were other forms of abuse and this poor kid was getting the worst of it. Neglectful guardians, probably no parents to speak of.

Her reputation stacked up against this poor kid. She made her mind up in an instant, so she put her arms to give him a well-needed hug around him noticing how fragile he seemed.

"Listen, tonight I won't go to bed with you. You're too young, and I won't do it."

From the expression on his face, Peter looked like he might cry, he was safe, he didn't have to do it, he could just slip into a corner and feel invisible. Yet the woman continued.

"You have me for an hour, what would you like to do. Anything at all."

Peter thought for a moment, before declaring in a tiny voice, "Have you any mom clothes?"

She always had these types of things available, as a prostitute, she knew the hardest of crews at their most vulnerable, and needed a fantasy fulfilled. Be it the girlfriend experience, or someone wanting a mother's touch.

She understood completely, he had lost his mother, no doubt from an early age, and he wanted her back just for a moment. It was an easy fantasy, and she was happy to oblige.

"Yes I have", she assured him, getting to her feet and leaving Peter alone on the bed, she went over to her drawer and pulled out a soft green jumper and trousers.

She could see Peter watching her intently as he pulled it over her head and got changed. The room itself, was all soft sheets and pastel colours on the walls, there was a soft carpet under his feet, and it smelled so sweet and feminine.

"She wore her hair down, and it was curly". Peter said, just watching this unfold, watching how a woman made herself up to her clients, but noticing how normal she was beginning to look. As she did so, shaking her blonde hair, giving it a softer curl. She took her bottle of perfumes from her dresser over to the teenager and handed it to him.

"What did she smell like?"

Peter went through the bottles, trying to find that one scent that reminded him of his mother. It felt strange to smell so many different types of perfumes after six years with male Ravagers before he found it. Light and floral, just like her.

"This one", he said handing to her, as she sprayed it on her skin and in the air. Peter just closed his eyes breathed in her scent,

It was close, it wasn't exact, but it was almost there. His memories of sitting on his moms bed while she got them ready, hung in his mind. He was back on Terra with his mom, happy and safe.

Watching his expression, she slipped onto the bed and instructed Peter to take his boots and jacket off, which he did with no question, just letting it fall to the floor.

Lying back on the bed, she gestured to him, which Peter felt awkward about, she wasn't his mom. His mom was buried millions of miles away, following a funeral he never got the chance to attend. But she was so nice. And smelled so good.

"It's ok baby", she whispered gently, and Peter had to, felt compelled too. Slipping in next to her, she let her body be used just to hold him gently, Peter closed his eyes and inhaled her scent and just relaxed.

For a moment he could forget, forget everything, safe and home with his mom. She began to brush his hair, gently even though his hair was all scraggly. "What did she call you?" hating herself for interrupting his fantasy seeing the expression shift on the boy's face.

"She called me Star-Lord". Peter whispered, more to himself, as delicate fingers brushed over his face.

"Then just rest, Star-Lord. I'll be here when you wake up" Catlea whispered softly, and just let this boy rest. From the look on his all to pale face was a soft smile and even though she knew there was no way to get out of this, her reputation was over. She didn't care.

For an hour Peter just lay there in his own dreamy half sleep letting the woman's fingers fall through his hair. Letting himself be called Star-Lord, imagining himself back on Terra.

Safe and loved, internally his stomach and chest hurt when he mentally went back to his reality. But for here and now, this was heaven, and he never wanted it to end.

**To be continued**

 

**Please review xxx**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a prostitute's reputation is in ruins, Yondu and Kraglin are at loggerheads, and Peter…this is the calm before the storm. Angst is coming


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, this is the next chapter, and a bit of world and character building with my OC Alezduren, and everything does have meaning later on, he's a bit of an enigma is my hybrid!

**The Signs that Yondu Cares**

**Walking to Oblivion**

**Chapter Four**

Kraglin Obfonteri, after taking a walk to clear his head, went back to the Brothel and glanced at the upstairs window, where Peter was. He had an overwhelming urge to defy Yondu and run up there but remained where he was. It was too late to do anything about it.

Outside the building, Alezduren was sitting on one on of the steps tapping into his pad, and taking a swig from a bottle of beer. There was a second bottle next to it which Alezduren passed wordlessly to Kraglin who sat down next to him.

"He'll be done in a few minutes" Alezduren advised him "From the moment he's out, I suggest we get the hell out of here. By the way, I take it talking to Yondu didn't work".

Kraglin just exhaled and took a swig "Of course it fucking didn't. You know I always imagined him meeting a nice girl, like in all those Terran films we watched. Not like this".

"Looking back, this is worse than when I lost my virginity" Alezduren muttered almost to himself which caused Kraglin to raise an eyebrow. Shit, he'd had a rough night, so this had better be good.

"So how did that happen?"

Alezduren signed, "There was a newbie prostitute called Airiax, and she wanted some experience. I was fifteen, she was twenty. I mean the sex was pretty good, well it wasn't because I was so shit. It lasted for ten minutes, but afterwards, I was still hard, so she decided to give me a blowjob. Good experience and all that."

"Naturally", said Kraglin, internally laughing already.

"So, she's going at it, I'm about to come, and my mother walked in. Airiax jumps, bites down on my cock, and I'm screaming on the floor in agony.

Kraglin willed himself to be impassive, but the thought of it made him roar with laughter, "So what was your mum's reaction?"

"She laughed her ass off and got a first aid kid, while I'm bleeding from a cock bite, and Airiax is apologising. I forgave her, she still works with my mum, but I never screwed her again."

"Justified, that's tragic Az, too fucking tragic" Kraglin brushed the tears of laughter from his eyes, God it felt good to laugh about something.

It was a moment of humour that both men enjoyed, to distract from the seriousness of all this, and it was a sobering thought.

"Peter will be done soon, look do me a favour and distract everyone would ya, I need to sort some shit out" requested Alezduren while Kraglin just shrugged. "Yeah, no problem".

 

 

One floor up embraced in Catlea's arms Peter knew only the softness of the room and the feeling of Catlea's hand brushing through his hair. He was unsure if Ravagers had an afterlife, Yondu was vague in detail, but this was Heaven, this was everything.

That soft sweet scent of the woman who was calling him "Star Lord", and making him feel safe and warm. He never wanted it to end, breaking out of his moment when he heard a little alarm, and adjusted his body.

"A few more minutes' baby, just a few more", Catlea whispered, who wished she could do this forever for the poor boy who looked so frail and young. "Thank you", Peter whispered in response, just trying to hold onto this moment, this feeling of safety.

Catlea gave him ten more minutes, just ten more. Any longer than that would arise suspicion, but she hated herself for doing it.

"Peter, Peter", she whispered nudging him gently. "You have to get up now."

For Peter the moment he opened his eyes, it was like a spell which was broken. He wasn't on Terra with his mom, he was on Contraxia which a sweet, beautiful woman, who had protected him. But it was still a harsh reality, which he couldn't escape from no matter how much he tried.

Gingerly he opened his eyes, and let the bubble burst while Catlea moved her body from him and got to her feet leaving Peter on the bed.

Quickly, she stripped off her clothes to transform herself back into the woman she was when Peter walked in. "In case your Captain comes in" she explained to Peter, who was just staring silently.

Her heart went out to him. Five years as a prostitute she thought she was hardened to everything, but she couldn't help but feel compassion for this child.

While she got dressed, Peter slowly slipped off the bed and pulled his boots and too long coat back on, and it looked like the weight of the world was on her shoulders, quickly Catlea pulled a spray bottle from her drawer and told the teenager to close his eyes.

Peter did as she said, and a fine spray of mist dusted over his face. "It's to give the impression you're sweaty after sex" she advised him, and Peter just nodded, while she also reached over and mussed his hair.

"There, now everyone will think you've done it". She smiled at him, which Peter tried to return.

"You won't tell anyone I didn't will you?" Peter whispered, feeling so sorry that he was putting her through that after she was so kind to which Catlea shook her head "No, client confidentiality, but I have to tell them you did, to get that Captain off you back".

There was an element of contempt in her voice which she didn't bother to hide, which made Peter feel twisted inside, and he felt he had to say something.

"He's not a bad Captain…and he used to care about me. He took me places and taught me stuff. He just doesn't anymore. I think I did something wrong".

Inside Peter felt like he was about to cry, just saying it out loud to a beautiful woman just tore at him. He had screwed up somewhere, and now Yondu didn't want him. That was the harsh reality, but Catlea had something to say about that.

"Peter, no fourteen-year-old like you could do anything wrong", it was good reassurance which he needed, while Catlea went over to the dresser and picked up her bottle of perfume, and pressed it into his hand. "I don't want this to remind you of me, but think of your mother. She must have been an amazing woman, to have such a wonderful son".

Peter could only nod as this feminine gift and sniffed back a tear, placing the perfume in his pocket, and thanking her.

Catlea walked him to the door, they both knew from this moment it was all pretence, but hopefully, I would be ok for a while, as the door opened and the illusion was shattered.

"Take care of yourself Star-Lord". She smiled at him, and Peter left the room, and almost immediately his world felt like it was going dark again, even with Catlea standing at the entrance of the door looking back at him.

 

 

At the foot of the stairs was Yondu, standing against the bannister drinking from a bottle of beer, staring into space, he was still pissed at Kraglin, and the emotions showed on his face, but Peter ignorant of this thought he was pissed at him.

Knowing he had to go down, he went down the steps causing his Captain to look up at him. "Well", Yondu's voice was coming out harsher than normal, so Peter had to say something, so he decided, to be honest. "It was wonderful", and he offered a smile, more sincere and honest than normal.

Which cued the cheers to raise from the Ravagers in the vicinity, "Boy's now a man" and the general comments while beers were passed around, naturally none for Peter who just didn't want one anyway.

Then Yondu looked back at Catlea, he had paid for this after all and wanted to make sure he got his money's worth, "So he did it, right?".

Catlea just nodded, noticing the several prostitutes in the bar, all trying to get some cash out of these Ravagers, all tarted up, giving the usual spill that tempted them. The fake smiles were plastered on their faces, but almost simultaneously all turned in Catlea's direction, and their eyes registered shock.

From this moment they were obliged to report her, and she knew it too. Without a second look, she retreated back into the room and tried to sort her head out.

Kraglin came into the bar, which got Yondu's attention, while Alezduren being a Ravager knew stealth, and moved quickly while everyone was congratulating the teen, getting to the door in seconds and slipping in while Catlea was stuffing clothes in a bag.

"Look I need to talk to you".

The blaster that Catlea always kept in arms reach was instantly in her hands, locked and charged before she even had the chance to turn around.

"Who the fuck are you, I'm finished for the day" Her tone was angry since she needed to pack her merge belonging and just go. Yet she noted that Alezduren had his hands up, no weapon in sight, and he didn't sound like a typical Ravager to her.

"I need to talk you about that kid…you didn't sleep with him did you?"

"Why there are no refunds no matter what", but then Catlea stopped noticing how sincere this Ravager looked, and that he was clearly a hybrid Kree-Xandarian, which did surprise her.

Catlea, just sighed, "Of course I fucking didn't. I'm a whore, but even I have standards…unlike that bastard Captain of yours. I mean what the hell was he thinking? A fourteen-year-old!"

Throwing her blaster down, she threw more clothes in her bag, she didn't even bother to look up at the Ravager. "Look whatever you have to say make it quick. I have to figure out a way to get off this rock right now, and the last thing I need is some Ravager holding me up", she practically spat the last word at Alezduren, who didn't even react.

"I know that, but I want to help you. I've booked a shuttle in two hours from the spaceport, you will be taken to my planet…from there you will go to my mother."

Alezduren explained everything, about his mother's position, which he played down for the crew, to the fact that she would be introduced as a high-class courtesan and would make more money in two years due to her connections. Alezduren was sincere, and his face was truthful.

Catlea had heard if all on Contraxia, but internally she knew he was right. His mother, why did no one know who she truly was, had agreed to take her on as an apprentice, which was life changing. And why had her son joined the Ravagers? Questions for another time and the lure of units and position denied to her was just being given to her, in return for her silence.

"Look, I've transferred ten thousand units to you for your passing, everyone will think your high class on the way there. You will get no trouble on your journey, I promise you".

Yondu had only paid her five hundred for her hour with Peter, for her that was a lot of units, and this guy had a spare ten grand.

"You'll get a new identity, new name and everything. No one will never make the connection after your introductions. She'll make sure of that".

It impressed her that Peter had an ally and the lure of units. Her position was screwed where was she was standing, and this was an opportunity she couldn't refuse.

"Fine, I'll leave. But tell me this", Alezduren just leant in.

"Peter said that his Captain, wasn't a bad person…is that correct?"

"To that Alezduren nodded, "They used to be close, but over the last year…" Alezduren trailed off, he couldn't explain the circumstances which had turned Peter into this and caused Yondu to keep his distance, but Catlea just understood and replied. "Then take care of that boy, he doesn't deserve this life or that Captain of his. That's all I ask."

Alezduren nodded, and Catlea pressed the pad, and the units were directed to her, the deal was struck.

"Right so get the hell out of here, we have a back way. I'll sneak out of there".

There were no more words to be said, but Catlea gave Alezduren a smile of gratitude as she left the room, for the last time, she slipped out into the snow for the last time and under cover of the permanent night made her way to the waiting shuttle, for her new life. Feeling liberated with each step, but concerned about the young boy she had just encountered whom she would never forget.

 

In all the haste, however, she never saw the one person standing there in the shadows listening to every word, and who watching this unfolding and just grinning to himself, all the while making plans to change Peter's life forever

 

While Alezduren was making his way down the stairs, Peter was feeling twisted all over again in the crowded bar, with all the crew in comparison to the room he had just been in.

He felt conflicted and hurt, but Yondu was looking happier, giving smug looks to Kraglin who didn't look happy, but who was just drinking his beer.

Peter just needed to escape, get out of the bar. Go back to the M-Ship, without a word, he slipped away from everyone and walked into the cold air.

Even though the chill never touched his bones. Closing his eyes, he just looked to the sky and let the snow fall on him, but never feeling it the way he should.

He hadn't had sex, and no one knew about it. They could never know; Peter would have to hide it somehow…that somehow he didn't know.

Walking back, the ice crunching under his feet, he just wanted to get back, back where he didn't know. He could hear the sounds of drinking and laughter, real from the Ravagers and the false ones from the whores.

How much had Yondu paid Catlea anyway? No how much had he paid for her? Yondu had all his money, that's all he cared about money and himself.

Peter's mind a minefield of emotions, the sounds and the flashing lights, the itch on the back of his neck seemed to feel like it was bursting into flames. He didn't even register when he hit the ground, grazing his head on the snow, or the blood which fell from his face when he began to violently fit.

 

**To be continued**

**Due to word length, I'm cutting it here, but the next chapter is pure angst. Not written yet, but it's angst of the highest order…sorry about that xx**

**Please review xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, this is the next chapter, let me just explain how this one happened. I do this thing called subconscious writing. I don't think too much about it, I just start typing and this came out. I knew I had to correct a few things since I first came to the conclusion when I first saw the first film that Peter's father was Loki…I know I was wrong since it's Ego, but the second film inspired me, and I came up with this. So it's a bit of a retcon, explaining how Staker found out, and Yondu's fragile house of cards, is really about to crumble. This is angst upped to eleven.

 

 

**The Signs that Yondu Cares**

**Walking to Oblivion**

**Chapter Five**

Ravagers were by nature a hard-assed bunch of bastards. In their line of work, it was "Kill or be Killed. Steal from everyone and obey the Codes.

Contraxia was the place to unwind and catch up, so there was always an air of revelry, and stupidity born from drink and sex, it was a place where nothing was taken seriously.

Until Martinex, a member of Ogord's Clan came across the small boy seizing in the snow, and put a call out on all frequencies, for help.

This call out, grabbed the attention of the Udonta Ravagers, beers were slammed down, and everyone moved in haste, Kraglin moving faster than the rest, cursing himself. He had seen Peter leave, but why hadn't he followed him, made sure he got back safe?

This statement, however, had grabbed the attention of several Clans who were surrounding the boy deep in the throes of a seizure, which Kraglin brushed past, followed a second later by Alezduren, and both men skidded to the ground.

"Peter, Peter can you hear me". Both of them kept their distance, they knew they had to wait until it was finished before they could move him.

But he looked so pale against the ice and that gash on his head wasn't helping it didn't look too deep, it was just spreading out over the ice and looked worse than it was.

Taking a moment, Kraglin looked around at the surrounding myriad of crews just looking at the boy, confused about what to do.

"He's going to be ok, just go about your business and piss off". Kraglin yelled, knowing if Peter woke up having an audience to all this, how worse it would make him feel.

With those words, the crews began to disperse, but both of them could hear the murmurs about this teen, all pretty much saying the same thing. "He was too young", and they were right about that.

Peter fit, had begun to ease off and it had now regressed to a few twitches, before finally coming to a stop and his head lolled to the side, and his just signed seemingly coming too for a second.

"Peter, can you hear me?" Alezduren asked, while caused Peter to open his eyes for a moment staring into nothing before they rolled back shut.

"Right, were taking him back," Kraglin told the hybrid and picked him up with no effort noticing how light he really felt.

Peter seemed to draw further into himself, his head rested on Kraglin's shoulder, the gash on his head wasn't serious but the fact he had had another fit was.

There were a few Ravagers still milling about, but they dispersed at the sight of Yondu Udonta cutting through the crowds, a look of pure fury on his face. He was just about to strike up a deal with a robo-whore when this, this. God the bastard, bloody kid.

Making his approach to Kraglin, perhaps to take the boy from his arms, but Kraglin was having none of it, just glared at Yondu in response. "Just keep away from him. Haven't you fuked him up enough tonight?"

With one final glare, Kraglin turned followed closely by Alezduren while Yondu just stood there, and watched at his First Mate and hybrid crew walked away, leaving Yondu just standing there to watch this.

Yondu didn't move from where he was, as the rest of the crews begun to disperse. Internally he knew Kraglin was right, bringing Peter here was a disaster. But like hell, he was going to admit that to him ever.

Rubbing his hands over his crest, He just needed to get away, walk for a while, get royally wasted, but turning around came face to face with the one person he had been trying to avoid.

Staker Ogord, Aleta, and Martinex were all standing there. A look of contempt of Ogord's face, his arms crossed.

They had seen the boy fitting and had seen the blood, red blood still stained on the snow. Yondu and that teen had identified himself as Xandarian, but that blood, bright, vibrant red, which was impossible. So what the hell was going on?

"Udonta, you and I are going to have a talk right now".

After all the years of hiding everything, from the Clans, from the crew and from Peter, Yondu could have just walked away. As a Captain he had that right, but not to Ogord. Instead, Yondu just let his hands fall to the side. From this moment he was screwed, and he knew it.

 

Ignorant of all this, Peter was lying semiconscious on Kraglin's bed in his M-Ship, he hadn't actually moved, gripping his arms across his body, fingers grasping the material, making it impossible for either Kraglin and Alezduren to get the damp jumper off his body. But at least they could do something about his head wound.

Thanks to Alezduren's skills as a field medic, the healing patch, seemed to do its job instantly and it looked like it wouldn't leave a scar. It looked worse, due to how pale Peter was and both of them noticed his clammy his skin was.

While Peter was sleeping, Alezduren filled Kraglin in on everything, that he was still a virgin and that prostitute was heading to a new life. That was at least something, and Kraglin was relieved to hear all this.

Peter had come too, by the time the Elector was in dock, and able to move with no assistance, but still held that vacant look in his eyes

"Do you need a hand, Peter?", Kraglin asked the teenager who managed to shake his head and leave unattended to his room.

Peter knew he needed to rest, try to sort his head out, so stripping free of his clothes, he left them in a pile on the floor, and changed, taking the perfume bottle out and placing it on the side. Noticing how much his joints hurt and the back of his neck was itching more than normal.

Usually, Peter would have listened to his music, try to get some feeling back, but he felt nothing, nothing at all. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to get some sleep.

Kraglin Obfonteri was worried, there was something going on which he couldn't place his finger on. It had been several hours, and Yondu still wasn't back, even though most of the Ravagers had.

Eventually, he came to the conclusion Yondu had scored with a robo-whore. For some reason, he preferred them, the touch of metal over real physical contact. It was just something that Kraglin did understand, but wished that Yondu could get past.

But it was Peter who he was really concerned about, Horuz back from Contraxia, who didn't mention what Peter had been though and seemed more sober than normal, was happy to take over while Kraglin went to the mess hall.

 

A little while later, Kraglin went through the deck, holding a metal canister, and knocked on Peter's door, there was no reply. But Kraglin was one of one three people who had an all-access pass, the other being Yondu, and he swiped his hand over the door releasing the lock.

The room was in semi-darkness, and Peter had his back to him, his blanket wrapped tightly around his body almost cocoon-like, and Peter was in a foetal position. There was moment indicating that Peter was awake, but he didn't move.

"Hi Peter, I brought you some soup, I know you haven't eaten for a while and thought you must be hungry".

A small movement and Peter was whispering a thin, "Thank you". Kraglin felt like he had to say something, he knew that Peter probably wouldn't tell him about Catlea, but Kraglin could feel the sadness from the boy and had to say something, anything.

"Look, Peter, you know you can come to me if you want? You can talk to me about anything. You do know that don't ya?"

There was a movement of the head, while Peter said, almost whispered. "I know, Kraglin".

Kraglin could practically feel, that Peter want him out of the room, but he picked up the canister he had laid down. "Well the soups good, remember when I made it for you when you were sick when you were eight?". He reminded the teen before placing it back on the desk

Peter did, he remembered a lot from back then, how he had to learn to walk again, and felt so sick some days and had killed Yarovesky because the Ravager was an abusive bastard.

"I remember", It was more to himself, before adding without realising what he was saying "Back when Yondu cared about me".

To that Kraglin just exhaled because he knew the kid was right about that, but being First Mate made him a mediator, to try to smooth things out, so this was a moment he had to try.

"Look, Peter, I think you need to talk to him. Just go down there and say what you need to say. I know it's difficult, but you have to try". It was probably the wrong thing to say, shit Kraglin had no experience of dealing with teenagers, but it was something his own father would have said to him…at least he wasn't pulling if from his ass.

There was more silence before Peter just whispered softly. "I know".

"Ok then", Kraglin had the sense that he had to leave the room but leant over the bed to ruffle the teen's hair, just as Yondu used to do, which Peter allowed, but Kraglin noticed that Peter flinched slightly, at his touch.

"Right I'll let you rest, but I'll see you in the morning".

With that Kraglin made his way to leave, and was almost through the door, before hearing the boys voice a little bit louder.

"Kraglin."

The Ravager turned and just looked down at the boy, noticing his eyes were open and he as just staring at the bulkhead. "Yeah, Peter?"

"Thank you…thank you for everything".

Kraglin thought something was puzzling about the way it was being said but decided not to think more of it. Peter had been through a long ordeal of a day, and he had the feeling that Peter just wanted to forget about it.

"It's ok Peter. Just sleep well."

With that Kraglin left the room, the door locking behind him, and at that moment, got the hail that Yondu was heading back on his own M-Ship, with that information Kraglin just sighed.

He had to face the consequences of his insubordination, which typically meant being yelled at, and doing some shitty duties for a week. That he could cope with.

 

Kraglin got to the hanger, the second Yondu got back, walking off his M-Ship a look of fury on his face. And grabbed his arm before the Xandarian even had the chance to react.

"What the hell". Kraglin stated as Yondu increased his grip.

"Shut up, and come with me Kraglin. Do you have any idea how fucked this day has been?"

Pulling Kraglin into his office, which was where he planned his mission and escaped from the crew, it was full of crap. Some of his precious figures were on the shelves, but it was Yondu's private domain, and no one ever set foot in it without permission.

Releasing his grip on Kraglin's arm, Yondu went over to the fridge and pulled out two bottles of the Zatoan, the beer Peter made for Yondu, and for no one else, and passed one to Kraglin.

Kraglin just cracked open the bottle and took a mouthful, it really was good. Peter knew his shit when it came to beer making, it was richer and sweeter than what he made for the crew who were happy to pay him for it.

For Yondu, he had earned this, all those hours trying to explain it to Staker and the rest what he had done, trying to make them understand. That he thought he was doing the right thing. He was a Ravager, and at the time the head of a new Clan, what else would he know?

"We're being investigated by the Clans, and I have to make a full confession of my crimes. Right now there hacking into our systems gathering evidence against us."

"I'll get Alezduren to…"

"Don't bother, it's too late. Alezduren is the best, but they've got better. They really have" Yondu took a swing of his beer and ran a hand over his face.

"So after all these fucking years it's over…god know what they will do to me. Or the crew".

Yondu turned to Kraglin, "As my First Mate, you will also have to give evidence too. You have to tell them everything. How long it was, how many children. Everything",

Kraglin just digested this information, the children, all the others. Yondu hadn't mentioned them in six years, from the moment he picked up Peter and refused to transport him. Fleeing to the Rims instead, pretending the child had died. Kraglin was made to understand to never mentioned the others. So he hadn't in six years.

Understanding the urgency, but not understanding, Kraglin had to ask the question. "But why…you were taking them to their father, the Asgardian, well the shapeshifter. Surely they understand that?"

For Yondu, internally this was the moment. He had kept Kraglin ignorant of everything, need to know information and Kraglin didn't need to know.

Yondu just shook his head, "He wasn't an Asgardian, that was just the first. I told him I hate shapeshifters and that's how he appeared each time to me "For my comfort""

Yondu just stopped and shook his head, he had always remembered the first. An Asgardian called Fritlos, the ten-year-old had been so excited about meeting his father after his mother had died, after all, their mothers had died.

Fritlos practically run onto the M-Ship and was happy in the main cell. And Yondu hadn't really interacted with him, other than telling the boy, "Soon", after he asked each day "Are we there yet?".

Yondu had taken him to Ego's planet and never seen him again, or any of the other fifteen which followed…and he had never told Kraglin that until now, fuck he needed something stronger to drink.

"Kraglin, the reason I never took Peter to his father…was that he killed all of the others."

 

**To be concluded**

**Please review xx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O.K. this was meant to be concluded. But the angst was getting too much and I had to cut it. Yes, it's so depressing, I was depressing myself.
> 
> Everything that happens, is happening at the same time. And everyone is in a pretty dark place

 

**The Signs that Yondu Cares**

**Walking to Oblivion**

**Chapter Six**

Kraglin could only stand there, while Yondu explained everything. It was really too late for explanations that he thought he was doing the right thing in taking these children to their father, and it took him too long to realise what was happening. Every single one of them was dead, and Peter wasn't an orphan but was now an only child.

It took a few minutes, for Kraglin to get his head around this, all those children, all with Peter's green eyes now all dead, and Yondu having carried this burden all to himself all this time.

Kraglin was trying to think rationally, "But you didn't know what he was doing, how would you know?"

"You think that matters to the Clans? It's a full confession, everything, no secrets. Just everything I did laid out for all those judgemental bastards to know…shit".

"Listen, we'll think of a way to get out of this". Kraglin having never faced the full wrath of the Clans had no idea what to expect, but he had to think of something.

He had been First Mate, for many years and even though Yondu had never gone into detail about his life, it wasn't hard to figure it out. His own upbringing was so abnormal, how was he meant to know what Ego was up to until it was too late?

In retrospect, no wonder Yondu was the Ravager Captain who was targeted, fresh into Captain-hood. Trying to prove his worth, and make a ton of money, like any good Ravager should. Let alone the Captain.

But the Clans would they understand that? Yondu was so stoic, that was his coping mechanism, could they really figure out why he had done it in the first place?

In a perfect parallel Yondu having a shit of a day and now having to face the consequences of his actions, just decided to get drunk.

 

 

Peter was still sitting alone, musing over what Kraglin had said. In the end, he sat up and ate the soup slowly, noticing how good it smelled, but it tasted like ash in his mouth.

He knew he needed to talk to Yondu, explain how he was feeling, the mere thought of talking to him, made the itch on the back on his neck intensity and his stomach turned.

But he had to speak with Yondu, let him know how he was feeling, how every time he looked at his mentor Peter felt like something was wrong, knowing he had done wrong. But not knowing the reason why.

He knew he was defective, he had epilepsy, which could not be cured, and Yondu had taken care of him then but stopped when Peter came back wrong, no different. Came back different.

Placing the flask down, Peter got to his feet and redressed himself, leaving the red jacket on the floor. He never wanted to wear it unless he had too. Most Ravagers flashed their status, and Peter wanted to be rid of his. Taking a study breath, he left the sanctuary of his room and went to look for Yondu.

At the same time this was happening Alezduren Laeriz, was sitting in his M-Ship, engaged in a personal call to his mother. "So I spoke with Catlea and put the feelers out that a new Courtesan is heading our way, already getting interest. She seems a bit rough around the edges, but I think I should be able to work with her."

Alezduren leant back in his seat, "Cheers ma", he said out loud while his mother just shrugged "Like hell, I'm doing it for altruistic reasons, she's still got to prove her worth".

Alezduren just smiled, when it came to the business, his mother was always a professional and to the point, but his mother continued, her voice so light and lyrical. "But I am proud of you, for getting her out of there. A ruined reputation…"

"Is ruined forever, yeah I know" Finished Alezduren, before taking a swig of his beer. "I still can't believe Yondu did that". Which caused his mother to raise an eyebrow.

"Makes perfect sense, that boys going through hell as you've said, and sex is normal, well at least for us. Xandarian have more hang-ups about it. He's not the first guardian to go about it the wrong way, but his intentions were there, and to him, they were good intentions. Your Captain is a bit screwed up, but that's the way it is".

His mother as normal wasn't that judgmental about anyone, she could read people better that any therapist since it was her job to do so. It was what made her so respected. She had never even met Yondu, but based on their conversation had given a pretty good estimation on his personality.

"Yeah I know", Alezduren just signed to himself. "So any new advice for me".

"Besides come home and see your sisters, nothing new".

Alezduren and his mother said goodbye to each other after the hybrid had sent his best wished to the rest of his family, but his smile dropped as the screen faded. He wasn't psychic, or anything like that, though sometimes he suspected Peter was at times. But something was coming, something he couldn't explain.

 

 

The decks of the Elector existed in a world of organised chaos, long winding metal lines which crisscrossed. When Peter was young when he was still trying to find his feet on the ship. He compared it to a maze, but now he could navigate it in his sleep.

In truth, the Elector started out as a smaller shell, which was added too and added too until now it was five miles wide and across. It was now a haven of small locations and hidden places

Peter had looked up where Yondu was, in his office which was the best place to find him. Safe and secure he would sit down with him and tell him how he was feeling.

He was so wrapped up in his thoughts, he never noticed someone coming up behind him. When a hand slammed over his mouth and strong arms dragged him into a small alcove.

**To be concluded…I mean it this time x**

**Please review x**


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this was meant to be the final chapter, but it turned into this. Angst is being upped, really upped. Peter really had no one to turn to now.

 

**The Signs that Yondu Cares**

**Walking to Oblivion**

**Chapter Seven**

Peter tried to struggle and scream, but the body was stronger than him, and right now he was too weak to be able to right back, as his body was slammed into a bulkhead, and a hand pressed against his throat, cutting off his airways for a moment.

Peter wheezed and tried to claw the hand away, aware that he could have a fit, as his eyes focused on the one who had grabbed him.

"Writusa", Peter gasped, as the Darbien just glared at him. Ever since he had caused the toxic spill which had almost killed him, along with Kraglin, Alezduren and Peter had brought them all back alive.

Since then Writusa had been doing the grunt work and staying out of Yondu's way. Yondu was still pissed at him, and Yondu knew how to hold a grudge.

"You think you're such hot shit don't you?" Writusa's face was so close to Peter's saliva flecked on the teenager's cheek, while Peter just struggled to be free of Writusa grasp.

But Writusa was having none of it and pushed Peter's head harder against the bulkhead. "What the fuck makes you so special? A pathetic runt like you that fits all the fucking time…well?"

Peter didn't now what to say, but managed to get out in a small whisper, courtesy of the thick fingers digging into his windpipe. "I don't know what you're talking about", to which the Darbien just laughed dryly.

"Oh please, Kraglin makes your food, we all had to sit through those shitty films from your planet. The fucking crew worships you…and Yondu. What did you do to get his attention?"

Peter's mind fought for an answer, he knew Writusa was wrong but how could he convince him of that. "I just work hard" he stammered, which didn't impress Writusa who's eyes just blazed. "And I don't? But every time I try to get ahead, there you are ruining it. I should be in the red by now. But no, but you".

Writusa took a breath and Peter could smell beer on his breath. "You don't deserve to wear that coat, and you know it".

Peter just swallowed, since it was a familiar song he had also heard in his own head, and he could say nothing for a few moments, while he recalled something.

"I'm not meant to be touched, Yondu said…I'm not to be hurt by anyone."

It was one of the primary laws made by Yondu. No one could touch Peter until he was old enough to defend himself, too which Writusa just chuckled evilly.

"Oh please, do you think he's going to care now you've been fucked…you're now a man. That means you can't be protected by anyone. Besides, what will Yondu do when he finds out the truth about you? I know you didn't sleep with that whore, all that money he spent wasted just on you, and you couldn't do it."

Writusa just chucked more to himself "How pathetic are you, and Yondu will be so mad when he finds out about that. You know he hates spending money, especially on you".

This was news to Peter, but since Yondu kept everything he earned, he had no reason to doubt it, and just couldn't think of anything to say back. Since realisation was kicking in. Perhaps he did cost Yondu a lot, he just didn't think if it.

Every time he earned money, Yondu took it from him, maybe Peter cost Yondu a fortune, and he never realised it, so he was just another burden to him, all that money, God Yondu would hate him when he found out.

Still, with Writusa pressed against him, Peter tried to take a breath.

"You can't tell him; you can't tell him about that". Peter was openly pleading which seemed to be music to Writusa's ears. "Oh please like he's not going to figure it out, what about the next time he takes you to a brothel, and you just sit there like a little child? You're a man now, and you have to start acting like one."

Peter just tried to take a breath and tried to understand this, look into his own future and could see it, he would have to pretend and deny, and Yondu would never understand.

Writusa perhaps reading his mind, smirked again, "And Kraglin and Alezduren won't be able to protect you anymore. So you're totally fucked aren't you?"

Inside Peter could feel like he was about to break apart, Writusa was right, how much did Yondu hate him, but he was right. Yondu was going to find out and be so mad at him, but how could he change it?

"I don't know what to do", he said more to himself, which caused Writusa to raise a hand and bring it up to Peter's cheek caressing it gently which made Peter feel tormented inside.

"You know Peter; I know a way to get out of this. Let me protect you, take care of you, and Yondu will never find out what you've done.

Peter just swallowed nervously, hating the answer already, but wanting to know the question. "What do you want Writusa?" his voice was so shaky, which Peter hated but Writusa had apparently gone over this in his head several times at least and just grinned at the teenager, ready with his demand.

The fact is you're the only virgin on this ship, and I'm a Darbien. I am fucking huge, one night with me and you'll be ruined forever". But then he paused and seemed to muse over the statement. "Well more than one night, after all, I want to get everything I can out of you, you little bastard."

"But I don't want to". Peter couldn't help the solidarity tear coming from his eye.

"Who cares what you want, but if you want my silence. That's what I want. Underage or not, I'm going to fuck you, Peter Jason Quill. Good and hard. In fact, I can make you scream like a whoring angel. There may be a bit of blood, but I'll be gentle. Promise"

"Please, Writusa I'll do anything". The crack inside Peter's body felt like it was going to rip apart, after everything had been through that day, now this. This was wrong, this was too wrong, and he had to do something.

In response, Writusa brought down his free hand and grabbed Peter between the legs, causing the teenager to moan and this unfamiliar and aggressive treatment.

"Not a bad size, a bit on the skinny side but I've got something to work with. I am going to fuck you Peter, and there is nothing you can do about it".

His hand still on Peter's cock, even though his thick leather trousers, made Peter feel sick, but he had to say something.

"I'll tell Yondu", God it was an empty threat, like being in the school playground, and Writusa knew it. Through his jagged teeth, Writusa just hissed in Peter's ear.

"Please, like he's going to believe you, or if he did like he's going to fucking care. You're not a virgin anymore remember, we're Ravagers, so anything goes with us".

Peter said nothing since this was true, and everyone knew it.

"I'll give you until tomorrow, you little bastard, but then after that your hot tight ass is all mine. Literally". With that Writusa released his hold on Peter's throat, and the teenager staggered sideways while Writusa just gave him an evil grin before turning away from him.

All alone in the alcove, Peter just slid to the floor and placed his head in his hands, this wasn't happening, this couldn't be happening to him, that one lie had caused all of this.

Peter had to get up to tell Yondu, tell someone. But for a moment he just sat there against the bulkhead and wished for salvation, which would never come

But Yondu, he had to talk to Yondu, let him know what had happened, Writusa words had unnerved him, after all those years with the Ravagers no one had hurt him, not since he was eight, not like that.

Getting to his feet and blinking back tears, he walked away once again to try to find his Captain, but not realising that everything was against him, and this his time was about to run out.

 

**Next chapter is the last one, it will be concluded. I mean it this time xx**

**Please review xx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, here we are the final chapter, which got too long, so I had to cut it. Angst is being upped, and from this moment it all goes downhill from here.

**The Signs that Yondu Cares**

**Walking to Oblivion**

**The Final Chapter**

**Chapter Eight**

Alezduren had completed his jobs for the day and managed to get a head start on the next. Each week Yondu assigned various crews duties which they had a week to complete. Alezduren normally had everything done in two, leaving him enough time to do anything else and take it easy.

However, he was one of the heads of maintenance and the chief hacker, no matter how hard he worked, he was always busy. Turning a corner, he brushed past Writusa, who acknowledged him with a nod, while Alezduren noticed a sinister smirk on his face.

That smirk unsettled him, in truth he hadn't got involved with Writusa for a while, but both Kraglin and himself found the Darbien unsettling. But coming to a conclusion that he was too tired to think about it, just decided to crash hoping that the next day would be a damn sight better than this one.

 

 

When drunk, Yondu Udonta had a pattern, which Kraglin knew all too well. Becoming an expert on everything in the known universe, getting irate at the crew, then remorse at everything wrong in his life, before regretting everything wrong in his life.

When he was wasted, Kraglin just listened, and that was pretty much it. But over the years he had learned much about his Captain which he never let anyone know about, but much of his ire was often aimed or about Peter.

One of the things Peter did even unintentionally occasionally caused Yondu to tap into a memory of his own childhood which Yondu just denied himself. At that moment, Kraglin was letting Yondu rant and leant back against the wall, noticing on the cluttered shelf was a figure Peter had found in a market one day and had decided to give it to Yondu since he was known for being a collector of the strange.

It was a simple wooden carving, done rudimentary and by hand, it looked old, and Peter was curious about the markings, and the figure which was no bigger than a hand. But Yondu was still surprised when Peter gave it to him. "It's from your world isn't it?", Peter asked with a curious look in his eyes which Yondu answered in the affirmative, and accepted the gift.

At the age of ten, Peter had learnt a few words of Yondu's language but still sounded like a toddler when he spoke it, or the way Yondu used to speak. It was only later when Kraglin walked in to check on a mission to find his Captain looking at the figure totally paralytic, drinking a bottle of Aakon scotch, neat, in which two shots would get you wasted while staring at the carving which Kraglin noticed resembled a child with parent.

"Tell me this Kraglin, what type of parents would sell their five-year-old into slavery?"

It was a word which pierced into Kraglin, but he had no answer to this, but Yondu continued, gesturing to the figure. "See this, this is called the Dek'kvera. Boys give it to their fathers, thanking them for making them into men".

Yondu took a longer swig of the bottle and whipped his mouth with the back of his hand. "I never got the chance to do that, because my bastard parents sold me when I was five".

Kraglin had no answer to that, but in the end, he could only say after a few moments "Well that's shit". To which Yondu just laughed, not like he was happy, just bitter. "Shit, in any other world, this would mean that Peter is my son…how fucking stupid can you get".

In the end, Yondu dismissed Kraglin, and the Xandarian knew he was in no fit state to talk more. The next day, Yondu apparently hungover didn't mention it, and if he remembered the conversation with Kraglin, showed no acknowledgement of his Captain baring his soul about his shitty childhood which ended too quickly, and cruelly.

Looking at that figure on the shelf, Kraglin was reminded of that conversation while his Captain just ranted, about Peter.

"After all I've fucking done for that little shit, now I have to confess it all. The bastard, the absolute son of a bitch."

 

 

Peter was getting closer to the office and caught the tailwind of Yondu's voice before he got there, he sounded mad, and the fear gripped Peter. Maybe this wasn't a good idea, but the threat of Writusa's threat rang in his head, and he had to tell Yondu, to get him to stop it.

Peter had to remind Yondu of the promise he had made so long ago, to protect him from anyone evil in the Elector. In truth, Peter would have just turned but heard his name and curiosity overtook any fear inside him, and he got closer, to hear Kraglin's voice sounding very sensible and calm.

"Yondu, you can't blame Peter for any of this, he's had a very long stressful day".

"A stressful day, please. I've had a difficult six years because of that little shit. God, right now I regret picking him up, hell even keeping him. What use is he to me anyway? I saved his life, made him a Ravager and how does he repay me? He's sullen, quiet and those fucking fits…what the fuck is up with that?"

Kraglin having to put up with Yondu, seeing how he had changed over at least the past year, being abducted, coming back from the dead and having to deal with more shit in fourteen years that most had within a lifetime. Decided to remind him of something he had forgotten about the boy, he was raising.

"Yondu I have just come from his room, and he thinks you don't care about him. He actually thinks he's done something wrong, and that you don't care".

Yondu's eyes just blazed, as he declared in a loud voice, loud enough for Peter to overhear and caused the blood in his veins to run cold. "I don't care about him, I don't care about Peter Jason Quill, he could die tomorrow for all I care".

Peter just standing there at the door, ready to knock felt every droplet of blood in his body run cold and felt the fractures within him spread further, after all these years it was true.

Peter placed his head on the bulkhead and willed himself not to cry, Yondu hated tears for Ravagers, and he was a Ravager now.

He had to be strong, he had to try not to fit or cry or back down. But all the words he had thought about Yondu over the last two years was right. His Captain didn't care about him. Didn't give a damn if he lived or died.

Everything he had done was all for nothing, he was a nothing. Yondu just didn't care about him. It was strange that Peter found the words almost reassuring, at least he knew where he was. And what he was and that was nothing.

Sniffing back a tear, Peter let himself realise the one thing he had denied himself for all this time. He was truly alone in the Galaxy, with a Ravager who desired to rape him, and a Captain who just didn't care. Silently turning on his feet, Peter made his way back to his room, to acknowledge everything about himself which was true, and that he was truly alone.

 

**Next chapter, is dark and depressing. You have been warned, and it will be up in a few days.**

**Please review xx**


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the moment which has been building for so long, get ready for some angst and tragedy.

**The Signs that Yondu Cares**

**Walking to Oblivion**

**The Final Chapter Part 2**

**Chapter Nine**

 

As soon as Yondu uttered the words, he regretted them, and the look on Kraglin’s face, his eyes wide and mouth opened, caused him to begin sobering up. “You don’t mean that; you can’t mean that. That child busts his balls every day, for you. And how do you repay him? For blaming him for everything. He’s not responsible for all this, but you are responsible for him. For the way he is, you did that to him. Can’t you see all Peter wants from you, is how you once were? But no. What the hell happened to make you such a bastard Yondu?”.

Kraglin’s words were piercing, and Yondu just stared at him, at the sheer anger at his First Mate who was normally so passive, while the Xandarian took a breath.

“Screw this I’m out of here. But just fucking sort it out, because he’s suffering and you just don’t give a shit.”

With that Kraglin turned on his heels and stormed out of the door, leaving his Captain sitting in his chair beginning to sober up, and hating what he had just said. Kraglin was right, Kraglin was right about everything. He was blaming the wrong person. Peter was innocent of everything, the only person Yondu had to blame was himself.

Sitting in his chair, Yondu Udonta was coming to a revelation that was a long time coming, “Oh dear god, what have I done?" He told the empty air before coming to his senses.

Kraglin was right, he was an asshole like Peter had proclaimed. A self-centred bastard, who was blaming the wrong person, the Clans would destroy him, but he deserved it, deserved a lot more for what he had done.

For his species, sobering up was easy, and Yondu could do it with ease, and two hours later, Yondu was making his way back to his quarters next to Peter’s. He could see under the door the light was on and made his way to knock on the door.

But stopped, sniffing the air he could trace the scent of a beautiful perfume and realised he had captured the scent of the woman Peter had sex with earlier, before his seizure and Ogord finding out, god that felt like ages ago. And it was only a few hours.

Shit, he had to apologise for that. Peter’s virginity had been stolen from him, God how could he have done that? Placing his hand down, instead of knocking on the door, he instead made his way back to his quarters.

It was too late to explain everything, but tomorrow when everyone was rested, then he would do better, and stop fucking it up so much.

Pulling off his clothes and leaving his Yaka arrow on the side, Yondu crashed into bed and rubbed his face with his hands, he would do something nice for the teen, but what? And then his conscience reminded him of something he had deliberately forgotten.

Peter had wanted to go to the beach, before all of this, before all the drama, he had begged his Captain for a beach trip which Yondu had just denied him. But tomorrow, that would change, he would begin to look for beaches nearby, yeah that would be it. He would take him to the beach, just like the good old days and Peter would be happy again.

 

For Peter, who was sitting on his bed sharpening the blade he had won after his first kill when he was eight years old, the one which he remembered cutting his long blond hair when he was captured by Kruger and had somehow come back to him.  His hair had grown back scraggly, but Peter didn’t care.

 Peter was just huddled on his bed; the only sound was his blade going over a stone. Some other Ravagers used oils or cloths, but Peter preferred this, the stone he had had for years,

Yondu had taken him to a forest when he was ten and given him the stone. It was what his tribe used and better than everything.

The sound of the blade going over the stone seemed to create a small echo in the room, combining with Peter’s breath it was the only sound.

The smell was from Catlea’s perfume, which he had sprayed to change his pain into something else and failed.

Peter had watched the shadow of Yondu’s feet at the door, knowing him from footsteps alone, before he paused and walked away, causing Peter to feel more wretched inside.

Yondu didn’t want to speak to him, didn’t want him, he was a nothing. Everything he thought was true after all this time.

Was it just like a game, a deception. Make Peter care, then destroy him? Was this what it took to be a Ravager? Tears threatened to fall from Peter’s eyes, but he sniffed them back. He wouldn’t cry anymore, he wouldn’t cry when Yondu ignored him, or cry when Writusa would claim him. He just wouldn’t.

 

At the same time dozens of light years away, information was being gathered on Yondu but Staker Osgood, couldn’t believe the information he was receiving, child trafficking to a biological parent, leading to child murder.

Everything here was against the codes, and Yondu his own protégé would have to face the consequences, something which didn’t thrill him. He had given Yondu his own clan, and now this. The violation of everything they held sacred.

Everything was in chunks, and it appeared that Yondu had employed a very talented hacker, but nothing was erased forever, and Staker was determined to get everything.

Mainframe, their crewman and Android was diligently gathering the information which they would use to build a case, in which he had to justify his decisions, while his wife looked over what they had so far. The scans, including everything relating to Peter Quill, which caused Alena to frown and glance over to Staker.

“It looks like that child has a pad, so should we gather that information?”.  Asked Alena, since this was now violating a child’s privacy.

Even though from the tone of her voice, Staker knew it was just a formality, “Everything” He replied.

 From the looks of the pad data, it seemed encoded, but Staker would get to in eventually, since there were dozens of children which lay dead before him, and right now Peter wasn’t a priority.

 

Inside his room and inside Peter’s mind he felt so desolate and broken, his music making no impact on him, but the room seemed to construct all of a sudden. Placing his pad on the deck, he opened it up to his images, to see something to change the way he was feeling.

Feeling so worthless, he let the images fly through until one made him stop.

He was ten, on a day out with Yondu in the forest, which turned into a night camping under the stars and just talking, talking about nothing but it was nice to get out of the ship for a while.

Peter just stared at the image, of himself back then only four years earlier. He looked so happy. Yondu had filmed all his target practice and Peter had grabbed a screenshot from that day.

Peter had hit all the targets the first time, and with Yondu standing next to him, looked so happy, turning his head slightly, giving him affection and…

 

The thought of Love, made Peter feel sick, Yondu didn’t love him, he was nothing. Why didn’t he care about him anymore?

Peter looked at the blade in his hand, all clean, shiny and sharp and knew what he had to do.

Looking around the room, his room. He had been given his own because of his age, vulnerability and the need for privacy, and he loved it. It had been turned from the main cell to his room, and at first, it was basic, but now it was full of clutter from Terra, odd and sods and bits he had picked up.

It had been remarked that he was worse than Yondu when it came to tat, but it was all his…but not anymore.

This was the right thing to do, everyone would be better off.

Placing the blade in its sheath on his thigh, Peter pulled the sheets back, and made the bed carefully, paying attention to the corners though no one really bothered about that.

Running his hands over the material, he sat back on the bed, leaving a crease, before he looked at the pad and opened up to record.

 

While the chime came on to let him know he was being recorded, Peter's mouth went dry for a moment, but he couldn’t just say nothing. He had to make Yondu understand that he was sorry.

Peter spoke without thinking, just laying his soul bare, he often did with his video’s diaries, but this was the last one, so to make Yondu understand that nothing was his fault, and this was Peter’s own decision.

Inadvertently mentioning that Writusa wanted to hurt him, but forgetting to elaborate the reason. That Kraglin and Alezduren had tried but failed, which wasn’t their faults. Peter just spoke of his life and how he was happy once, and couldn’t be happy again.

“I want you to promise me something. One that you forget everything about me, I was never here. What I did to disappoint you, at least I won’t again. But this is my choice, and I don’t want you to feel bad”.

Peter took a breath, feeling his soul-crushing that little bit more and that voice in the back of his head screaming at him to do it. His neck itched at always, but he ignored it.

“All my money is yours, but then again you always kept it and never gave me any.  I know I was a burden and cost too much. But I’m sorry I came back wrong, and I’m sorry for the fits, and I know it’s better if I’m not here. So I’m not going to be”

These were important words, but Peter had to finish what he has to say.

“Just forgive me and forget me.”

 

With that, Peter flicked the pad off and stood up. Yondu would find it and take it from there, but Peter he didn’t care anymore.

Standing up, feeling emotionally exhausted, but at the same time lightheaded, he grabbed his Walkman, and he left the room, to make his way to the M-Ship hanger, whatever happened that was his. He left the red coat behind on a chair, not wanting to see it again.

At this time, the decks were devoid of crew, and Peter took a moment to look at the still derelict ship which he was making his own and one that he would never name or even fly.

No doubt Yondu or someone else would use it for scraps and parts until every mark he had made on it, would be erased forever. It was just how it should be.

So no one saw Peter go into his M-Ship and lock the door.

From this moment, Peter was going where he had wanted to be for so long.

Peter was going to see his mother again.

 

**The End...well for now**

 

 

**To be continued in the next part, which had gained a title.**

**The Shattering of the Mind**

 

**Sorry about that, bit of a cliff-hanger really xx**

**Please review and thanks to everyone for the reviews and support  xxx**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But here is some news. I’m working on a Master’s degree, I have a dissertation to work on and I work too.
> 
> Next part will be in a month at least xxx


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